Dinner

One day I was walking to school and me and my friend found this mysterious drain pipe so my friend was like hey dude doesn’t that things look really weird and I was like that thing is called the drain pipe and useally the carries water through it but this particular drain pipe didn’t look like a normal drain pipe. So we kept walking then we ran a pawn a mysterious book that was dirty and covered in pasta sauce and he was next to the drain pipe me and my friend looked through the book and it said Pastor via meatball a Cush when we said those words it started to rain so we hid under a little place where the drain pipe was then we heard a rattle it was the drain pipe something was trying to come through it when my friend looked up the drain pipe it was spaghetti and meatballs and garlic bread when it hit her face she screamed so loud and we ran back to her house we tried to tell her moms but they didn’t believe us so they drove us to school but we kept it between me my friend and our parents and every morning or afternoon we go by there and say the words It went down the drainpipe

Comments

  1. ShaneFebruary 12, 2018 at 1:18 AM

    Well done on your writing Khai!
    You wrote a great story with only 100 words based on 5 weird and curious words “it came down a drainpipe”. I really like the imaginative idea in your story and your interesting way of telling it !
    Great opening – really grabbed my attention and you kept me interested until the end.
    Your writing has some very creative ideas, like the pasta and meatballs, and you’ve done really well with telling the story.
    What would help make your writing even more enjoyable would be to spend a little bit more time checking your punctuation. You’ve only got 100 words so you need to make sure they’re organised into sentences.

    Keep up the good work !
    Shane, Teacher
    Dublin, Ireland
    (Team 100)

    ReplyDelete

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